1.
there will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city
bus. don’t. it will not be beautiful. it will not be brave. it will be selfish.
it will be broken. your mother will cry.
2.
don’t write for him. write for you. write for others like you. write so the
girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. don’t
be selfish.
3.
when you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. it doesn’t matter
that it’s 3 am. there will be other 3 am’s. take a shower. take two. wash him
out of your hair. write a poem. read the same book you’ve read 202 times again.
the 203rd time might tell you something different. don’t stay in bed- you will
think about the bus again.
4.
don’t kiss him because he’s broken. don’t kiss him because his laughter never
reaches his eyes. don’t try and fix him. fix yourself first. be selfish. he
can’t save you.
5.
date yourself. take yourself out to eat. don’t share your popcorn at the movies
with anyone. stroll around an art museum alone. fall in love with canvases.
fall in love with yourself.
6.
dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. they’re the
ones that will pick you up. don’t kiss him. or him. don’t fall asleep on
strange couches with strange boys. when his hand slides up your dress walk
away. hit him. don’t kiss him. he can’t save you.
7.
get another tattoo. get five more. get another hole in your ear. don’t listen
to your dad. you will still be able to get a job. did you really want to be
employed by someone like your father? haven’t you had enough of judgmental old
white men anyway? get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8.
when you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. take 200 bucks and a
three suitcases. work anywhere that will have you. meet strange people and
forget your name. call yourself Ruby. no one will know the difference. remember
to call your mother. don’t be selfish. come home when you find yourself in the
strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9.
don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. other people are going to shout
them at you. be your own hero. keep a sword on your key ring.
10.
don’t step in front of a city bus. it will not be beautiful. live. stay up all
night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. live. see shitty
local bands with a friend. wear a different band’s t-shirt. no one will care.
live. have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. pour love into
her until it’s overflowing. live. wake up. staying in bed all day is not poetic.
live.
live.
live.
do
you hear that? it’s me. it’s your life.
wake
up.
