august 26, 2014
dear friend,
sixteen days. that’s how
long it’s been since we’ve spoken. maybe i shouldn’t be keeping track; somehow
it seems to help pass the time. i’ve found i’ve been counting back the hours,
and minutes, and seconds to the series of moments when everything changed. this
time is different, isn’t it? i’m terrified that we can’t go back- can’t swallow
back the words we said, taking them in in big gulps. there is no rewind button,
no take backs; time must remain as it is now. would you take it back though? if
you could, i mean. i’m not so sure anymore. maybe that’s what scares me the
most.
it amazes me and strikes
me right in the center of my chest how quickly things change. a flash before
our eyes, a dizzying planck time.
last time i wrote to
you, i was preparing for goodbye, but not this way. not quite yet. i’m getting
through, though. like i always do. you always pushed me to be strong. to stand
up for myself when the world shoved me farther into the dirt. so, here i am.
standing tall, when all i want to do is hide from the world for awhile. i’m
doing the best i can. i really am. i get out of bed each morning, even when the
sea of sheets try to pull me back in. i do it for me.
i’m here and that
matters- it’s something... and i guess i’m not ready to give up quite yet, and
i thought you should know. because maybe, just maybe, you’ve been counting the
days, too.
i’ll be seeing you.
